Why I Keep Checking and Double Checking
Image from part of Helen's book cover, copyright protected
Helen's blog about having OCD. The story of how she began suffering with it and what she's doing now. Helen is an English teacher who has written an e-book about her experiences.
It all started about two and a half years ago. I could feel something in me changing at the time but I didn't know what it was. All of a sudden I felt vulnerable and anxious, brought on by moving, job hunting, supply teaching and getting married - all at the same time. I thought I was indestructible beforehand but I don't believe that anymore!
At first it manifested itself in my thoughts, making me miserable. Then it showed itself as a deep need to be safe, who doesn't want to feel safe?
The checking promptly followed – it made me feel safer for those few seconds every time I checked and double-checked things. “Of course I want to keep doing that then!” I thought and still think every day.
Somewhere in the middle of my journey (as I'd like to think I'm slightly past the middle of this episode!) I decided to reach out to other people online. This then turned into me writing about my experiences…so far in my own eBook. I think it has helped me (and I'd love to think it has helped others feel less alone) throughout this roller-coaster journey.
Now I wish I could say that I don't do it anymore but that would be a lie. But I have finally plucked up the courage to do something about it and am on the waiting list for CBT.
If you choose to read my short eBook about my experiences, I hope you enjoy it, or find some comfort at least. I'd like to think that something good can come from the relentless checking and anxiousness!
Good luck in your journey. I hope mine will come to crossroads soon, let's just hope I go the right way....